?

Log in

No account? Create an account
This Isn't The Life I Ordered [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Cheeky Monkey

[ website | Yeeeah Bayyybayyyy! ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

A Touch of Paint [Mar. 28th, 2006|06:28 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
I just recently got a nice scratch on my 04 chevy malibu maxx, yay! The dealership wanted wayyyyyyy too much for a little bottle of paint, so I looked up these guys here:

Automotivetouchup.com Touch Up Paint



It was really easy to check my car's color code, get the paint and checkout! So, in 5-7 business days I should be getting my paint and making my nice newish car looking newish again. = )
linkpost comment

Damn The Man [Mar. 20th, 2006|02:48 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
Wow, I thought to come update this and sat in my chair for a good minute trying to remember the name of it! Yeah, it's a pretty messed up day, raining so hard I'm thankful I don't live in a tin shack...but the way it's coming down is pretty close no matter what. I got an email from my economics teacher stating that my mid-term was very similar to another students and she suggested I do my own work...that really pissed me off. I was at my dad's house when I did the mid-term, and told her as much, as well as that I haven't been in contact nor know any of the other students. God, it seems the idea of "coincidence" doesn't enter into her brain. The heck with her, if she wants to pull me into an investigation on the matter, it's on like Donkey Kong! I'll tear her and the whole faculty up so bad they'll think they were just assaulted mentally. On other fronts, Jasmine was over, spent the night, I got the couch...in the afternoon Kelly was outside talking to the mailman and saw Jasmine and I going to my car to take her to work...when I got back she said "oh my God, I thought you were gay!" Of course she was just joking but, I explained the situation to her and just cos there aren't women coming and going out of my apt. constantly doesn't mean I'm gay, it just means I'm not a man whore. Just talked to my dad and I guess since my mom and dad got home, they've been out of town yet again since. Dad with work, mom with God only knows...I can't wait to find out what the heck happened to my sister, when I left my mom was on a mission to kick her butt. I can't freaking think, which means I can't do work right now, which means I'm going to get a phone call asking where my work is...God I wish it would stop raining.
linkpost comment

Gravity Sucks [Mar. 16th, 2006|01:52 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
Have you ever done something that you know is akin to career suicide, or will end your relationship, and people will have thought you totally lost it because they don't have the balls to do it themselves, and you did it because it was the right thing to do? I had to do that recently...some people will think I'm nuts, some will support me, one person might hate me, but, it needed to be done. I threw down the gauntlet with Joyce, she said something to me that really upset it, and it was wrong of her. Whether or not she knew it at the time, I can't say, but I did tell her how I felt about it, and what all her coming back did to me. Sometimes it's easier after they leave without a word, because you can delude yourself into thinking anything...but when they come back and what you thought was the reason, wasn't, everything gets turned upside down. I know right now that I'm too hurt for a relationship, thankfully Jasmine's just a friend because otherwise I'd have to tell her and risk hurting her. What a laugh, after years of being kicked around I'm finally damaged goods. The bad part is I don't know how to fix myself, the really messed up part is every therapist in this and the neighboring county won't touch me...I think the last one came up with something creative like "conflict of interest." I have no clue what that means to him, I know what it means in general but...it's interesting to ponder what conflict he could have with me after meeting me for an hour. The funny thing is, I know I'm not insane, crazy people don't question whether or not they are, they don't seek help with the problems and stresses of life. My aunt is insane and thinks the world is wrong, out to get her, etc. Thankfully I'm adopted and don't carry those genes. Man, just when you think you've got everything in order, your life, relationship, job, gravity has a way of slamming you down and giving you a reality check. Gravity...sucks.
linkpost comment

Grape Juice? I Want Grape Drink Bitch! [Mar. 15th, 2006|07:35 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
Today's been one of those days. One of those days you just want to say fuck it and not get up. Tomorrow's going to be like that too for me. Yesterday was good, I made a friend really happy by sending her quotes from Grey's, even though she's been having a rough patch, it was nice to make someone happy. Met a gal named Jasmine, she's nice...I think at least. We went out yesterday, I think she stopped laughing like two times, and that was to breathe. Her mom seemed to like me. While there, she offered me a drink, I asked what it was, she said "I dunno, green stuff?" Which is where my subject line came from, an act by a commedian about kool aid type stuff. So then Jasmine came over here today, and had an allergic reaction cos of my cats...that sucked, we spent an hour together watching a movie, the her bro-in-law came to pick her up cos they needed her to sign some papers or some shit. She hugged me and left, I haven't heard from her since. Usually I hear from her an hour or so right after, so...I'm not sure what to expect. I won't be seriously put off if she doesn't care to hang out anymore, but that degree of shallowness does bother me if that's the case...leaves me wondering "why?" for about a day. Anyhow, and past that I pissed off Joyce because I put my emotions out there, then I got a bit upset because she never seemed to take them into consideration or even say anything about it. Ann says she's playing mind games with me, Ann also knows it's not just my mind that's being messed with, it's the scar she left behind. Some days, getting out of bed is the last thing you want to do, days where you don't want to see anyone, or talk to anyone, days that just don't feel right. Then something happens, you get hungry, you want a drink, go to the bathroom, and don't realize it but you've screwed up your plans to stay in bed. Life's funny like that, life's got it's own plans whether we like it or not.
linkpost comment

Blue Cat, Bad Man [Mar. 14th, 2006|09:02 am]
The Cheeky Monkey
Ok...so Joyce is now a little pissed at me or whatever because I'm not "understanding" that she's gotten so busy. Umm, let's see..duh? Probably because she didn't tell me much in the way of why she's busy, or *gasp* that she was? Yeah, so anyhow. I wrote her this long, heartfelt letter, she read it (ask L how, she taught me, lol) and she never said anything in reply...that hurt me deeper than words could ever say. I don't think she gets that at all, or how it hurt me, but I told her "it broke my heart a little, but I guess it was my mistake to write it and I should be more understanding right?" Oh well, I gotta get ready, I have to meet this girls family in two hours and that's weirding me out a bit, but it's a living. = P
linkpost comment

Damn The Tequila [Mar. 14th, 2006|06:12 am]
The Cheeky Monkey
Cristina: The problem is estrogen.
Meredith: No, the problem is tequila.

It's not a day on the calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories . . . What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap . . . are a few things worth holding on to.

Derek: Meredith.
Meredith: What!
Derek: Oh... I usually just say “Meredith” and then you yell at me. I haven’t thought past that point. I actually didn’t have anything planned.

Cristina: You are eight feet tall. Your boobs are perfect. Your hair is down to there. If I was you I would just walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't have a job, I wouldn't have any skills, I wouldn't even know how to read. I would just be... naked.
Izzie: It's makeup. It's retouching.
Cristina: You get that we hate you, right?

Meredith: I've moved on. So don't give me that look.
Derek: what look?
Meredith: That look. Our look. I'm over you.
Derek: I'm over you too.
Meredith: you are?
Derek: no.
Meredith: oh, well. I am. Over you.
Derek: I'm over you too.
Meredith: you just said- shut up.

Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. "No man is an island entire unto himself." Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone.

How do you know how much is too much? too much too soon, too much information, too much fun, too much love, too much to ask? and when is it all just too much to bear?

Meredith: Don't look at me like that, like you've seen me naked.
Derek: It's not the chase.
Meredith: What?
Derek: You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's… it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair.
Meredith: My hair?
Derek: It smells good. And you're very, very ballsy. It keeps me in line.
Meredith: I'm still not going out with you.
Derek: You say that now.

Dr. Bailey: All you people ever think about is how to get into somebody's pants. You're nasty. [slaps George] That's why you got syphilis.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us on the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn’t change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing. Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. It’s a freakin’ ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... makes the rest of the world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain, we anestitize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it

Alex: Why are you helping me?
Izzie: [yells] 'Cause it's what Jesus would freaking do!

Yeah, so this has been my life the past 3 weeks..past the pain, past the emotional pain, past the hell of loving someone you can't. This has been me, and this isn't me, and when I wake up, I'll keep telling myself this isn't me because I'm not ready to rip off that band aid yet and let the flesh wound over my heart breathe and heal...it still hurts too freaking much and even though I know it won't heal faster, I want a scar to look back on so I can say "look..don't do this again".
linkpost comment

Happily Never Ever [Mar. 7th, 2006|08:43 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
[mood |sleepysleepy]

This will probably be my last journal entry for awhile. I've got a ton of writing to do for work, and now physical therapy 3 times a week on my messed up leg. A kid outside is screaming...dear Lord why do these people have them if they can't mute the little parasites? My dad was going to give me a gun the other day but thought better of it and said "you'll probably invite people over just to shoot them"...I really wish he thought better of me. Anyhow, no biggie, my scanner crapped out on me today right when I really needed it. Soooo, I went out to costco to get a new one, and nope, they don't carry just scanners so I ended up buying this hp 3 in 1 printer deal with scanner and copy for only 69.00! Dang, I was stoked! What even made me happier than a kid in a petting zoo was that it came not only with printer cartridges but THE PRINTER CABLE! Yes, you read right...and they NEVER come with those now. Phew! So everything was working gravy but then the software went all ape bonkers on me. Two calls to their crappy tech support in india and I STILL can't get their stupid software to work right! *Shrugs* no worries, I'll get it done. Joyce is still messin round in my head, I know if there was a way she could leave her husband without him kidnapping the kids, we'd have been together a year ago. Personally right now, I'm at a crossroads. I can't really trust her with what she did, and then there's how I'm starting to feel again, and I can't let that happen...argh. My friends all say "Dang Deran, why can't you just find a nice single gal?, What is it with you and married women?" To which I usually reply "There's a reason those gals are single." It never does satisfy them. I've been reminded again of what a complete bastard I can be. Some say I'm a complete bastard, others say I'm a kind of bastard, some say I'm a nice guy...lmao, then they figure out I was nice by mistake. Heh, oh well, they still love me for some bloody reason. And now, with all that out, I must get my butt to bed, the painkillers are kicking in and making me wonky and sleepy.
linkpost comment

All Fun, No Games [Mar. 1st, 2006|02:33 pm]
The Cheeky Monkey
Oh joy, I got banned by ea games for like a whole 72 hours....wheeee! Apprently I used some questionable terms while playing a game, they won't even tell me what "terms" I used, lol. They suck. On top of all this, I think I snapped sometime last night and wrote Joyce about how I really truly feel, what I'm dealing with, the stress I've been under, etc. I know when I was "banned" I wasn't even remotely leading up to that, hence why I can't see what I did wrong but whatever. When I snapped I was laying in bed, and couldn't get to sleep again, my mind was racing a million miles an hour, and I just said to myself "f it". So...no word from her, and I don't expect there to be, my world got turned upside down and sideways when she came back, I'm back to regular tilt and axis now. Yeah, so I had one of those "what did I do?!" moments, yet strangely it wasn't like Rocky screaming "Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!", and that's all I can figure bout it right now.
linkpost comment

A Season Of Hell [Mar. 1st, 2006|04:07 am]
The Cheeky Monkey
*sigh* ok...and here I sit, and write about the pathetic existience I live. So "The Net 2.0" which is supposed to be some catchy name for "the net 2", the original starring sandra bullock, well, the sequel sucked worse than a 50 cent gumless whore. Honestly, it had NO plotline and probably cost only 1000 to produce, I'm really ashamed I spent 4.00 renting it, I want to kill myself after watching it..that's how bad it was. DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE! Ok, now warnings aside, I have figured a few things out. One, I'm depressed in a major way. I find myself crying at the most subtle moments of emotion in movies, tv, etc. and I feel like lactating if not pms'ing. Hence, either I'm the gayest man around or depressed and given my draw towards women, I seriously doubt I'm gay...also considering that when I think about being with another man I puke...as I just did, I can honestly say I'm not. So...I wrote Joyce about how badly she's messing up my life, and that there were certain constituants upon which I couldn't talk to her anymore, and then...I puked. I puked because as much as I thought I didn't, I figured out that I do still love that bitch. After all she put me through, I still find her in my heart. So...I guess the only choice I have now is to jump off this building or surrender to the cops behind me...yeah, fuck them, I've always had a problem with cops.
linkpost comment

Loathing in Los Estados Unidos [Feb. 28th, 2006|06:28 am]
The Cheeky Monkey
Woke up this morning feeling like Hunter Thompson decided to have some fun and wake me up by hitting the back of my head with a bat. I'm almost out of the meds that the dr. gave me and this dang cold/flu/virus or whatever won't die! I seriously have no clue what to do or how to get better, I think the stress is really messing with me. When it rains, it pours and the stuff I'm going through seems comparable to a hurricane hitting my gulf coast. Yesterday I went to the store to grab some bagel dogs, I was craving them...no idear why but *shrugs* they're good! I know they're not the best for me but it's like chocolate, once in awhile you have to grab something you're craving. So anyhow, I'm standing there at the checkout and the checkout girl scan's 'em and goes off to the bagger guy behind her about "how bad these things are for you" and throughout the whole transaction is basically talking to him about how horrible they are, like I'm not even there or anything. Then she gives me attitude when she hands me my change, like I'm such a bad person for buying them. Ohhhh no, that was just the WRONG thing to do to a customer, especially me. I used to work customer service and I'm just NOT the guy you want to tick off in that area. Sooo, I took my bagel dogs, and my reciept, and decided to wait until I got home to make a complaint because I needed to cool off a bit. I called the manager of the store as soon as I got home and explained to him the whole of what went down, and how she had made me feel, how, with that attitude and open mouth, she may be making other customers feel with her stupid opinions. Needless to say, a guy I know works at the store and I called him when he got home, asked him if anything was done. He was like "OMG! HECK YES! THEY FIRED HER SO FAST!" Oh...man, I didn't mean for that to happen, just for her to get reprimanded or something, but he explained to me that there's a lot of people wanting jobs at this company, and you're told in orientation NOT to do what she did and the repercussions of it...*shrugs* so then I guess I didn't feel as bad. It's been raining here the past 3 days straight, I think that may have something to do with the way I'm feeling. One good thing that happened the other day was that Joyce made me laugh, lol. Yeah, I'm still talking to her cos I need my answers, but here...let me show ya'll the email that made me crack up: "Fuk...who wants to leave after this email...lol....sad but true I really do have to go I have to be at physio's in ony 15 minutes...shit. talk later. xoox ~J" lmao, all that in response to this: "Lmao, that's gotta really suck...10 min. of time to yourself? Psh, you forgot how talented I am? tsk tsk, I'm just gonna have to get you naked and remind you, there's a lot we can do in 10 min. ; )" Heh...yep, the boy's still got it...too bad it's with her, as I honestly can't see it going anywhere with her again. Blah, I seriously need to make arrangements to get out of dodge soon, think I'll start on that today after work.
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]